Baby Tosh

'Victoria Beckham is well known for buying one item in multiple colours. Who can forget when she spent £1.5 million on Birkin bags in different hues? Now it seems she is instilling the same values in Harper, who was spotted with two pairs of same-design Mary-Jane shoes in red and green. We can't wait to see which shade she chooses next week.'
(Grazia ~ 4 March 2013 ~ p.19)

The suspense is literally killing us.

Colour-Association Tosh

'The scarlet woman is an emotive creature ruled by passion and strength - and that colour looks startlingly right for now.'
(Vogue ~ December 2009 ~ p.191)

Because passion and strength would've been, like, so inappropriate last season.

Trouser Tosh

'You see, trousers are heading back into fashion - by autumn they will be a fully fledged mega-trend - but because they haven't been in fashion for almost a decade, none of us have got any pairs we really like.'
(Grazia, May 31, 2010, p. 34.)

Shit. Check us out wearing TROUSERS for the last ten years thinking we were cool.

Coat Tosh

This is a coat season. That seems like a strange statement to make given that it is autumn; surely, around this time of year - every year - thoughts turn to winter coats. But THIS season IS different.
(Vogue, September 2010, p. 104.)

Did someone just cry 'wolf'?

Chloe A/W 2010

Olympic Tosh

This Telegraph piece...

Déclassé Tosh

Alert - there could be a new "happening" in handbags... Yes, the new way of carrying a bag is not to carry it at all, but to "wear" it with nonchalance... now it could even be the time to declare handles démodé. Handles in the new bag lexicon, are for ignoring. And to overstuff a bag is déclassé.
(Vogue, May 2009, p.99.)

How do you say 'page filler' in the new bag lexicon?

Chanel A/W 2010

Scary Tosh

'Don't be scared of it because it's cool. Don't be scared of it because it's new. Don't be scared to be different. Don't be scared to speak your mind. Don't be scared of the dark. Don't be scared to stand out in a crowd. Don't be scared of failure. Don't be scared to admit you are wrong. Don't be scared of looking stoopid (sic). Don't be scared of spiders. Don't be scared to say 'Sorry'. Don't be scared to say 'I Love You'. Don't be scared of pickles or balloons. Don't be scared to take a chance. Don't be scared of saying 'Yes'. Don't be scared of saying 'No'. Don't be scared of trying it, you might like it. Don't be scared of change. Don't be scared of the bogeyman. Don't be scared to admit defeat. Don't be scared of the boss. Most importantly, don't be scared of Naomi Campbell'.
(I-D October 2007, p. 31.)

Did that just happen?

Cara Tosh

Oh my God, we're actually frothing for Cara Delevingne atm, and we're totally loving how EVERYWHERE she is. Here's our round up of our favourite bits of Cara coverage (Caroverage?), plucked from recent articles such as 10 Reasons Why We Love Cara Delevingne, 14 Reasons We Love Cara Delevingne, 10 Reasons to Love Cara Delevingne and Cara Delevingne's Insane Faces That We Love.

1. "BEANIE HATS: Along with onesies, Cara has a great affection for beanies and is rarely spotted without one atop of her pretty head." Marie Claire
She wears a beanie, guys. A BEANIE!!!

Oh my God, ours too.

3. "THERE ARE OVER 1026 REASONS why we love model Cara Delevingne. We don’t have time to count them now ‘cause we’ve got jobs, init, but our number one reason that comes above her eyebrows, the fact she plays the drums, and that she knows what Harry Styles’ leather interiors smell like, is that she puts the most insanely, awesomely, incredibly nuts pictures of herself on Instagram. THEY MAKE OUR LIVES WORTH LIVING." Sugar Scape
TOTALLY with Sugar Scape on this one. Our lives were empts before Cara.

4. "SHE EATS". Marie Claire

5. "EVERYONE LOVES A WOODLAND CRITTER: Well, you have to admit that those big brown eyes have a striking resemblance to a Disney woodland critter, no? Well, that’s certainly the way in which some are referring to her as." Swide 
Is it?

6. "SHE HAS A REALLY COOL SISTER. Having one Delevingne in our lives just isn't enough. So, thank God for Poppy Delevingne, her smolderingly gorgeous older sibling."
Thank God.

7. "COOL CROWD. The model only hangs out with the creme de la creme of the cool Brit hipster set. Think Rita Ora (who Cara calls her 'wifey'), Nick Grimshaw, Alexa Chung, Georgia May Jagger, Coco Sumner and Pixie Geldof. We want to be in Cara's gang." Marie Claire

8. "SHE HAS PERSONALITY" Topman online

Creationist Tosh

"And God created woman. Behold! The all-woman woman enters fashion as designers enhance breasts, hips and waists…”
(Vogue, September 2010, p.270.)

Has she really just entered fashion? Or has she been holed up in the green room quaffing mint juleps for decades? Her last big 'entrance' was Vogue’s 2006 September issue, ‘The New Womanly Allure’, before that she appeared in the March 2004 edition, 'The New Femininity'. Now they're wheeling her out for 2010’s September issue and calling it 'creation'. They giv
e her the same pep talk every season whilst they rub her legs to try to get the blood circulating: ‘Okay, sweetie you know the drill, just try to act fresh and you’ll be fine'. Then they dust her down, clothes-peg her cheek-fat behind her neck and wheel her in to a fanfare of too-loud trumpets. Behold! Vogue says, behold.

Playing Down Tosh

The way fashion is now, you go either very cheap or very expensive, and when you go expensive, you don't want it to be mistaken for anything less... (Givenchy's wool jacket is a case in point... it may as well be a banner which spells out, 'I'm expensive')... I have friends planning camping holidays in Dorset for summer, these are the same people who will spend Christmas in St. Barths. We're all either playing down or going high end'.
(Vogue, October 2007, p. 188.)

Yah. 'Cause, like, when we summer in Dorset it's soooo an ironic statement about how rich we are. Nothing says 'playing it down' more than a staycation.

Cop Out Tosh

Of course most people think they look chic in black, but in most cases they do not. When a woman pulls on black head to toe she is essentially copping out of fashion's finer delicacies in favour of what she thinks is an easy option.
(Vogue, October 2007, p.102)

Lazy, Kate. Plain lazy.

Inevitable Tosh

It’s not a journey. 
Every journey ends but we go on. 
The world turns and we turn with it. 
Plans disappear. 
Dreams take over. 
But wherever I go, there you are.
My luck, my fate, my fortune. 
Chanel No5.

When Fashion Tosh first watched Brad Pitt’s new Chanel No5 advert, we were confused. We’d never known Chanel (or any other of the Parisian giants, for that matter) to take themselves too seriously – their campaigns are usually so free from pretension, so substance-over-style, so genuinely thought-provoking.

But then, after we watched the advert a further 20,000 times, we realised that it’s actually mind-bendingly profound. Because if you think about it, the world does turn, and we do turn with it. And if we looked deep inside, we’d all have to admit that when plans disappear, dreams do take over.

As for Brad’s delivery, at first we thought it was a little GCSE-drama, but then we realised that his middle-distance stares, am-dram pauses and contrived diction, were a deliberate conveyance of us mortals’ sheer inarticulacy in the face of sublime, in the face of Chanel. And we were touched to the very quick.

Vacuous Tosh

(the Boys II Men issue, February 2008)

I-D Magazine. Awash with lyrical profundities and axioms for a fulfilled, modern life.

Alphabetical Tosh

'Confused by chinchilly? Bamboozled by zebra? Don't panic. Just read our guide to the latest fashion lingo'. A vocabulary lesson from Vogue...

'Dégagé: The pose to adopt now. It's a slightly disengaged stance that suggests you have a cool aloofness and interesting perspective on the world.'
We really haven't been putting enough work into our nonchalance.

'Gold: There was a gold rush at the couture shows.'
G-O-L-D. Got it. Thanks.

'Quantifiable: Used to justify a purchase instead of the tired price-per-wear equation. e.g. In terms of the happiness this Dior python toque brings to my soul, in terms of the admiration that I will garner, the purchase is utterly quantifiable'.
Considering the coveted Python pork-pie costs £855 and there is no conceivable occasion at which you wouldn't look like a complete wanker wearing one, it's a good job the old scaly toque doesn't rely on the 'tired' price-per-wear equation.

(Extracts taken from Vogue, December 2009, p.71-72.)

Shakespearean Tosh

'Luke [Worrall] is the latest incarnation of his punk heroes Sid Vicious and Johnny Rotten: a beautiful boy living the punk, and the midsummer, night's dream all at the same time.'
(I-D, February 2008, p. 62.)

Heavily Gendered Tosh

'The trouble is a lot of women refuse to accept their fashion sex, because they don’t realise it’s non-negotiable'.

Maturbatory Shoe Tosh

'Perhaps the appeal - the excitement even - lies in their elegant shape. Or perhaps it's that go-with-everything hue, or the likability factor of those two sturdy, brass buckles. Or maybe it's the appeal of those long linguine-like laces, the sort that are ideal for wrapping around the ankle several times before knotting'

Vogue, April 2010, p.161)

Oh, yeah, don't stop now, Vogue, we're close.

Epedemia Tosh

'Clog frenzy has broken out among the fash pack'.
(Grazia ~ 15 March 2010 ~ p.65)

I know, right?

Capricious Tosh

'Forget what we've said about khaki before - suddenly its no-nonsense chic is very apropos.'
(Vogue ~ April 2010 ~ p.169)

Oh my God, Brian, we take everything back. And that headpiece is SO Sarah-Jess we're khaki with envy.